Want to destroy your presentation?

Want to kill your chances of closing the deal or getting that promotion you’ve been after?

Want your audience to walk out of your presentation vowing never to talk to you again?

Here are the 5 sure-fire ways to ruin your presentation and make your audience hate you.

1. Turning your back on the audience

We got it… You’re nervous. You need to check where you are up to on your slides.

Things is, we don’t care.

We’re doing you a big favor by sitting in this stuffy meeting room just after lunch, the very least you could do is look at us, make eye contact, and “communicate” like a human being.

On second thought… Just hurry up finish reading those bullet points to me and let me out of here!*

2. Apologizing

You’re sorry? Me too… Right now, I could be at my desk watching dust gather.

Stop apologizing to us for stuff we didn’t know you did wrong. It slows down your reading of the bullet points and is taking my time away from counting dust particles.

If you make a mistake, I don’t care. Just get on with it!

I have things to do and want to get out of here. The dust isn’t going to count itself.

3. Not getting to the point

If you were a campfire storyteller we’d be throwing ourselves into the fire.

Either tell an engaging story that illustrates your point or give me your presentation in a straightforward, logical way.

Enough with this indirect, high-context, roundabout way of talking. Get on with it! We all have our own funerals to get to.

4. Not preparing

What’s that?… You’re too busy and weren’t able to prepare?

I’m too busy and I still made the time to be here and sit through this train wreck.

Cut out the umms and ahhhs and just talk about your subject. If you can’t at least talk about your subject then why were you picked to deliver this presentation? To make me suffer?

5. Not having a call to action

I’ve just listened to 33 minutes of your monotone ramblings and I’m still not sure what I should be doing with the information you’ve dumped on me.

No, that’s fine!… I don’t need you to go over it again.

Could you just summarize in 10 words or less what would you like me to do?

Or can I simply chalk this up to “information” sharing? If so, kindly keep your information to yourself in future because I no more informed now than I was 33 long minutes ago.

Now I’m going back to my desk to count some dust.